Location: The1Russter fanfiction

Discussion: Constructive CritiquesReported This is a featured thread

Category: Discussion Forum / Fanfictions
Showing 2 posts
JungleBoot
JungleBoot
Constructive Critiques
Jun 28 2010, 11:25 PM EDT | Post edited: Jun 28 2010, 11:25 PM EDT
Congratulations on completing your story. I'm sure you worked hard on it. However, in my opinion, there are things you could do to improve your story and keep the reader engaged. What I'm going to do is provide a list of ideas. Keep in mind, I read the whole thing -- minus certain repetitive material.

01. Repetitive material. It's no necessary to cut-and-paste whole passages to expound on a scene. Your reader has already read it once and only needs a gentle reminder to setup the reader for the new material. Prime example, John Connor's discovery of who "Allison" really is. I skipped large sections and only read the new material.
02. You tried to incorporate romance and sex into a science-fiction-action story. The "groping, hands searching each other's body" descriptions are unnecessary. I understand many fans are hooked on the John Connor-Cammeron Phillips love dynamic and want to see it. But, it detracts from the story. You didn't do it right. It felt out of place. There were certain sections that I skipped simply because they weren't required. You established their intimacy. They are having sex. I get it, get past it, and return to the story.
03. I don't thing you had a good editor. There are many spelling errors and poorly constructed sentences. I found myself editing your prose often. Example: You wrote "home land" instead of "homeland" when referring to "Homeland Security".
04. Military chatter in italics. It was unnecessary to distinguish what was radio chatter by making it italicized. You probably got that idea from some book you read.
05. Military structure and lingo. You need to research it better before you try to use it. You have squads comprised of platoons. it's the other way around. Platoons are made up of squads.
 Do you find this valuable?    
JungleBoot
JungleBoot
1. RE: Constructive Critiques
Jun 28 2010, 11:30 PM EDT | Post edited: Jun 28 2010, 11:30 PM EDT
06. Don't apologize for treating a character a certain way. It's your story. If you have a certain tempo in place, apologizing or explaining yourself takes the reader out of that tempo. You never see a professional author explain why they did what they did as a footnote. It's not required.
07. Don't preface every chapter with crap from the series. It got old really fast. The story was more important than the quotes from the series. Do you find this valuable?    

Related Content

  (what's this?Related ContentThanks to keyword tags, links to related pages and threads are added to the bottom of your pages. Up to 15 links are shown, determined by matching tags and by how recently the content was updated; keeping the most current at the top. Share your feedback on Wetpaint Central.)
NEVER-ENDING TSCC WORD GAME What will the future bring, now that Reunion is finished? Reunion
REUNION "Alison" an allegory for inner conflict, and Electric Sheep Janus
I.Join - Fan Fiction CONTINUUM I.Join Fanfic - Chap. 13 of 14 (ENG)
I.Join Fanfic - Chap. 13 of 14 (ITA) I.Join Fanfic - Chap. 12 of 14 (ENG) I.Join Fanfic - Chap. 12 of 14 (ITA)