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Casobs2 |
Latest page update: made by Casobs2
, Mar 22 2010, 11:15 PM EDT
(about this update
About This Update
8 words added 1 image added view changes - complete history) |
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| Started By | Thread Subject | Replies | Last Post | ||
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| thecrusadingknight | Terminator: Rebirth (page: 1 2 3 4 5 ... last page) | 131 | Apr 1 2010, 2:25 AM EDT by t5000 | ||
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Thread started: May 5 2009, 2:40 PM EDT
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Very nicely done, Casobs. Nice way with words. Good description. And a good subtle reveal about the characters we see. Instead of saying John Connor drives down, we guess at who it is until someone calls it that. And describing Catherine Weaver by her red hair, also works well.
Interesting that you are working backwards from John finding Cameron, to the ending of Born to Run. Only things that I think need improving is your use of space. When you get to another paragraph, I would put an extra space between the next line, it makes it easier to read. Particularly it would help when you go into the flashback, to help make it clear that we are jumping back in time. Also, be careful with tense confusion. In the beginning you switch between past and present tense. The whole thing ran as a good teaser for me leaving me to want more. Keep it up :) |
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